I lost the trivia contest at the church social last night by just one point .

The last question was: "Where do most women have curly hair?...

Apparently the correct answer is: Africa .

I've been asked to find another place to worship.

A guy is 75 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,

'Pick me up.'

He looked around and couldn't see anyone.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,

'Pick me up.'

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.


The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.'


Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'

The man looked at the frog for a short time,
Reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

With age comes wisdom.

LOL good one~

Voted Best Joke in Ireland ......(Can't keep the irish down)


John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life,
between the legs of me wife!"


That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!


He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending

the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."


"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.


The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.


The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub

with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only

been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time

I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Best jokes I have heard in a long time,,,Great Job

trryvill wrote:Best jokes I have heard in a long time,,,Great Job

Thank You....Please to meet you....

The Funeral Procession

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he
Noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby
Cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.
~
Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
~
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man
Walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be
A bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this.
Whose funeral is it?'
~
'My wife's.
''What happened to her?'
~
The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her'
He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'
~
The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife
When the dog turned on her.'
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men
~
'Can I borrow the dog?'
~
The man replied, 'Get in line.'

New Orleans Crabs...

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of
Frozen crabs and asked a blonde, female crew member to
Take care of the box for him. She took the box and
Promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.

He pointedly advised her that he was holding her personally
Responsible for the crabs staying frozen, mentioned that he
Was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would
Happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom
To announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman
Who gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up ... So she took them home and ate
Them.

Two lessons here:
1. Men never learn.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most men think.

A frog goes into a bank and
Approaches the teller. He
Can see from her nameplate
That her name is Patricia
Whack..

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get
a $30,000 loan to take a
Holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in
Disbelief and asks his name.
The frog says his name is
Kermit Jagger, his dad is
Mick Jagger, and that it's
Okay, he knows the bank
Manager.

Patty explains that he will
Need to secure the loan with
Some collateral.


The frog says, "Sure. I have
This," and produces a tiny
Porcelain elephant, about an
Inch tall, bright pink and
Perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains
That she'll have to consult
With the bank manager and
Disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and
Says, "There's a frog called
Kermit Jagger out there who
Claims to know you and wants
To borrow $30,000, and he
Wants to use this as
Collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink
Elephant. "I mean, what in
The world is this?"



The bank manager looks back
At her and says.

"It's a knickknack, Patty
Whack. Give the frog a loan,
His old man's a Rolling
Stone."