Hi guys, I'm starting this topic as a place to discuss dying. This topic will serve as an play by play experience of what its like to be actually dying.

I am a simple man, I have no discrepancy with God or what people generally consider "God's Will". I do however have a problem with believing in something that is not logical or represent anything that makes sense to me in the real world. In short, I feel I am doing the right thing by NOT believing in the ridiculous and absurd. Evil spirits and demons, or that a God looks more favorably on one nation than another. I feel that God would appreciate the fact that I have tried to support him and not go quietly as people try and corrupt a natural happening, meaning death. I have something to tell Christians, I love God and what the possibilities are with him. I do NOT allow myself to be dragged into a lie that makes no sense using scare tactics.

Those people that believe without any basis of reason, would be a disappointment with God. People easily taken in without a shred of reason other than they are afraid. I'm afraid too, but feel confident that God would understand my inapility to not comprehend with reason, what has been attributed to him. I will remain the quiet Knight, that loves God for what I know in my heart, and not what someone else attribuites to him with biblical manmade bullshit.


Enough for now, I'll continue later, tomorrow actually after I get my SSI.

I am NOT going to laydown silently with this, I will for as ling as I can explain to you what it feels like to be dying, in hopes you can learn from it.

If anyone insults my intelligence with ass-backwards unthoughtful BS, I will personally pull the plug and delete there message. I have no time to entertain nonsense.

Well, the good news that happened today was I got the money. I now have more money than I ever dreamed of. Florida treated me right.

They made me a rich man brough me up to a level of power, something I always wanted to be, I seriously believe because FL is rich to begin with that I got my money, Folks, it can be a state by state issue on your comfort. Poor states are going to not deliver to yoi thr money you wan.

Be smart and choose your state wisely if you want to chill when you get old. If you want money and stuff.


I love this state, In Florida they specialize in old people (although I'm not old just live here, meaning if you live here (as alot of old people do) you are taken care of. Florida takes care of their own. I knew this state would have my back, its sinply the best state to live in if you have medical conditions. I just happened to be born and raised here. But what I wonderful state FL is. My home sweet home. I was born here, and I'll die here. But what I wonderful state FL is. We surpass all other states in comfort and professionalism medically. Lucky foe me I guess. I now have money to buy whatever I need.

Live in FL when you get old is my suggestion.

I'm restoring this topic for several reasons, one being I have more to say, but I will remove again if I start to feel uncomfortable.

I want to say I have been contemplating the reality of dieing for quite sometime now, more times than I really want to, but its all consuming and I find myself looking for retreates and distractions all to often. My reality went from a normal healthy human being to a "about to die" kinda guy. What me? You're kidding, I'm 52 I have another 20 or 30 years. Well not in my cards, I will be checking out probably sooner than I think. Its not good, and my time on this earth is already being counted to a degree.

Just lovely, once I even think about death seriously it becomes real. I loved this life, still do. But I'm distressed now at my reality.

I havent decided what to do with this forum other than turn over the power of Admin to someone. That will come in time and I will announce it when the time comes to do so. Small issue I know in comparison to what I think about these days, but I will try to be responsible and get it done because this forum is important to some, and mostly to me. and I want to do right by you and it.

Whoever takes over may do with this forum as you will, you have my blessings. It will be your forum, and my trust that I left it in good hands.

The golden rule is, never delete this forum for any reason, let it go on even if you must turn it over to someone else, and when you do turn it over to someone you trust to keep it alive and going. Always be fair, and try not to take things too seriously. Be kind to one another, help each other, and remember where you came from, and enjoy your life.

Think of whats important. Never stop searching for the answers.


Mark

Feeling good today, got my check. Did a run off "the hermit Crab" with my post the other day??? Gee I hope so.

https://runawayhorses.forumotion.com/t10046-rip-rik-mayall#49298

The truth is. if I wasn't controversial we wouldn't be here now. "Interesting" has always been what brings people in to read, nothing else.

You think I'm going quietly?? Think again, I'm kickin ass and takin names. Bring it on. In conversation (forums) this is what I do best. Bring it on...

If we could ever get Almagene (sp) to come out of her shell, and "hermit the Crab' I could hold a conversation with them. But they are afraid of me. Wimps.

Mark, it's Alma Jean. No I'm not afraid nor a wimp by any means, Just haven't had anything to say. I know what you are going through and it hurts to much for me to discuss because my husband died of lung cancer not to long ago. It was discovered in June 2007 and I was his caregiver. I was with him all the way and at the end. He was a retired Special Forces Green Beret Master Sargent. Two purple hearts plus to many others to list. He was interned at Arlington with full honors. There has been a lot of bad publicity about the VA and the way the veterans have been treated. I'm not going to say it's not true but my husband couldn't have had better care from them and I want to publicly give them credit. Our government did right by him and also by myself.

I understand now, thanks for the reply.

Got my new air-conditioner installed this morning, its a 9000 btu fully digital unt for my room. It kicks ass tracking the temperature to what I set it for. I suppose this means now I should start cemo, get that going on, but for now I', foing to enjoy my new ac.

Sad? Yes it is, but my reality of dealing with things like my comfortant has become real. I have nothing else to think about.

Great song with intellegent lyrics. I love songs with a good message. This is an all Canadian band I love. Did someone say "Avril"? Yes she is Canadian too.





Lyrics


"Something For Nothing"

Waiting for the winds of change
To sweep the clouds away
Waiting for the rainbow's end
To cast its gold your way
Countless ways
You pass the days

Waiting for someone to call
And turn your world around
Looking for an answer
To the question you have found
Looking for
An open door

You don't get something for nothing
You can't have freedom for free
You won't get wise
With the sleep still in your eyes
No matter what your dreams might be

What you own is your own kingdom
What you do is your own glory
What you love is your own power
What you live is your own story
In your head is the answer
Let it guide you along
Let your heart be the anchor
And the beat of your own song

You don't get something for nothing
You can't have freedom for free
You won't get wise
With the sleep still in your eyes
No matter what your dreams might be

So this is my personal BLOG that no one replies in. Thats great I was hoping you would inturpret this topic that way, its my expression of my thoughts that are not open to debate., However anyone that has a problem wuth my music or my thoughts are welcome to express it, just don't feel self assured I won't debate you. I probably would.

This song explains my political views.





"For America"

As if I really didn't understand
That I was just another part of their plan
I went off looking for the promise
Believing in the Motherland
And from the comfort of a dreamer's bed
And the safety of my own head
I went on speaking of the future
While other people fought and bled
The kid I was when I first left home
Was looking for his freedom and a life of his own
But the freedom that he found wasn't quite as sweet
When the truth was known
I have prayed for America
I was made for America
It's in my blood and in my bones
By the dawn's early light
By all I know is right
We're going to reap what we have sown

As if freedom was a question of might
As if loyalty was black and white
You hear people say it all the time-
"My country wrong or right"
I want to know what that's got to do
With what it takes to find out what's true
With everyone from the President on down
Trying to keep it from you

The thing I wonder about the Dads and Moms
Who send their sons to the Vietnams
Will they really think their way of life
Has been protected as the next war comes?
I have prayed for America
I was made for America
Her shining dream plays in my mind
By the rockets red glare
A generation's blank stare
We better wake her up this time

The kid I was when I first left home
Was looking for his freedom and a life of his own
But the freedom that he found wasn't quite as sweet
When the truth was known
I have prayed for America
I was made for America
I can't let go till she comes around
Until the land of the free
Is awake and can see
And until her conscience has been found

Great lyrics here. Follow and find the message.





"TThe Trees"

There is unrest in the forest
There is trouble with the trees
For the maples want more sunlight
And the oaks ignore their pleas

The trouble with the maples
(And they're quite convinced they're right)
They say the oaks are just too lofty
And they grab up all the light
But the oaks can't help their feelings
If they like the way they're made
And they wonder why the maples
Can't be happy in their shade

There is trouble in the forest
And the creatures all have fled
As the maples scream 'Oppression!'
And the oaks just shake their heads

So the maples formed a union
And demanded equal rights
'The oaks are just too greedy
We will make them give us light'
Now there's no more oak oppression
For they passed a noble law
And the trees are all kept equal
By hatchet, axe and saw

Funny how this world works, we keep losing ans losing until there is nothing left. The losing is the getting old or dieing of a disease, it just keeps happening and happening over and over again. There must be logic for all of this, but I can't find iI. I'm actually starting to believe that logic is not present here. That there actually is no meaning.

runawayhorses wrote:Funny how this world works, we keep losing ans losing until there is nothing left. The losing is the getting old or dieing of a disease, it just keeps happening and happening over and over again. There must be logic for all of this, but I can't find iI. I'm actually starting to believe that logic is not present here. That there actually is no meaning.

There is Logic. They are finding answers all the time.
There would be side affects to treatment. But it is worth the gamble.
Many have overcome the Rogue cells.
I think you should try the Chemo.

Thank you for your insightful input. After your analogy when before I wasn't sure, now I am.

I met a Lady to-day Who had 50 Doses of Chemo .... She is about 60.
She still had her hair and seemed to be OK.
She is now having Radio Therapy.

I did not delve too deep because she was a quite person who kept herself to herself. Her Husband told me.

We are all different when we manage things.

Well I'll be starting Cemo soon.

I feel like I am doing what others have done before, ans simply going thru the stages of dying, Ok, I'll play along and get the treatment.

What bothers me is how many people have a preconceived notion of what you should do.

With my doctors they all say its your choice,, and that many do not seek treatment. My best friends mom dies of cancer and he seen her take Cemo to no avail. That don't mean it doesn't work for everyone, just not some people.

For someone to make a judgement call on a situation they have never encountered can be helpful and meaningful in the patients final decision, is that good or bad? Who knows but the final decesion is always all yours. Its your call.

I'm smart, have done wonders with computers and HTML and CSS but these kinda decesions do not come any easier you smart or "dumb" for lack of a better word.


Yes I will be getting the cemo like the majority thinks I should.

My decision in short is, I want to see if I can prolong my life a dew more years. If it works great I'll be very happy with the news.

What bothers me is how many people have a preconceived notion of what you should do.

You have made the right decision.

Majority wins.

runawayhorses wrote:So this is my personal BLOG that no one replies in. Thats great I was hoping you would inturpret this topic that way, its my expression of my thoughts that are not open to debate., However anyone that has a problem wuth my music or my thoughts are welcome to express it, just don't feel self assured I won't debate you. I probably would.

As a show of respect to Mark and his wishes stated in this post, lets leave his blog site to him to express his personal feelings. Thanks..SSC