Why the chicken crossed the road
SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the
chicken, cleaned
and dressed it, and had
chicken burgers for lunch.
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was
time for a change!
The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road
because he
recognized the need to
engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
chickens on the other side
of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped
that little
chicken to cross the road.
This experience makes me uniquely qualified to
ensure right from Day One
that every chicken in this country gets the chance
it deserves to cross the
road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed
the road. We
just want to know if the
chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The
chicken is either against
us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly
see the
satellite image of the
chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
What is your
definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the
road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong
road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken's intentions. I am
not for it now and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some
black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken
doesn't realize that
he must first deal with the
problem on this side of the road before it goes
after the problem on the
other side of the road. What we need to do is help
him realize how stupid he's
acting by not taking on his current problems
before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having
problems, which is why
he wants to cross this road
so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take
falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give
this chicken a car so that
he can just drive across the road and not live
his life like the rest of
the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a
chicken, but we
have not yet been allowed
access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's
guilty! You can see
it in his eyes and the way
he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking
American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that
chicken was
going. I had a standing
order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when
the price dropped to a
certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it
with a toad? Yes,
the chicken crossed the
road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed
the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments,
we will be
listening to the chicken
tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story
of how it experienced a
serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish
its lifelong dream of
crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing
roads together,
in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will
not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs,
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or
did the road move
beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one??
SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the
chicken, cleaned
and dressed it, and had
chicken burgers for lunch.
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was
time for a change!
The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road
because he
recognized the need to
engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
chickens on the other side
of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped
that little
chicken to cross the road.
This experience makes me uniquely qualified to
ensure right from Day One
that every chicken in this country gets the chance
it deserves to cross the
road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed
the road. We
just want to know if the
chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The
chicken is either against
us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly
see the
satellite image of the
chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
What is your
definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the
road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong
road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken's intentions. I am
not for it now and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some
black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken
doesn't realize that
he must first deal with the
problem on this side of the road before it goes
after the problem on the
other side of the road. What we need to do is help
him realize how stupid he's
acting by not taking on his current problems
before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having
problems, which is why
he wants to cross this road
so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take
falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give
this chicken a car so that
he can just drive across the road and not live
his life like the rest of
the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a
chicken, but we
have not yet been allowed
access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's
guilty! You can see
it in his eyes and the way
he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking
American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that
chicken was
going. I had a standing
order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when
the price dropped to a
certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it
with a toad? Yes,
the chicken crossed the
road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed
the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments,
we will be
listening to the chicken
tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story
of how it experienced a
serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish
its lifelong dream of
crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing
roads together,
in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will
not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs,
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or
did the road move
beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one??
